Senior Reflections #3

Prompt #8:

When you consider your four years of high school, what is your fondest memory? Reflect on a particular memory you found especially powerful.

The lights dimmed on me. Walking onto the brightly-lit stage for the first time, I stare out into the immense darkness at a sea of faces which look back at me with anticipation. I stare at my scene partner, who is readying herself and is shallowing in self-confidence. Once I hear the magic words, “Start when you’re ready,” I feel the butterflies disappearing from my stomach. I feel my nerves disappearing, and replacing the nerves, are an artist’s interpretation of words. I feel the power of giving the words meaning. I feel the power of being a relatable character. I feel the power of giving those audience members power to understand the words that I were saying. I FEEL. That might be enough. For my innate performance just now, it feels as if the world has froze and ceased to exist. It feels as if time stopped.

I had no idea why I decided to audition. But, I do not regret that I did. My fondest memory in high school was doing my first drama play.

I remember being scared to death when I auditioned. I walked into Studio 74, with my head down low, not wanting to attract any attention. When Mrs. C called my name to read a couple of lines, my body quivered in fear and my body shook uncontrollably. My forearms and spine were filled with cold tingling emotions. My head was saying, “Why are you doing this to yourself?” But, once I stepped on the stage, I felt a strong sense of peace, and I was at ease. I performed the lines to the best of my ability. I hoped for the best, but expected the worst. As soon as I found my way home, I received a call from Kelly Masterson, the assistant director at the time. I received the role! That role took a lot of toughness, and there were times that I wanted to quit. I was dealing with people who were veterans of the theater, and it was so intimidating to be up there with them. I did not want to fail in front of them, and I did not want to let them down. Mrs. C had to help me personally with parts of my acting, most notably, my diction. But once I handled my fear and slowly increased my self-confidence, theater turned into a passion! I still remember the first night I performed, and I still remember hearing the applause. In basketball, the applause never meant anything to me because I had to continue playing for the next possession. But, in this case, I felt liberated. There was no feelings to describe the moment. There was only a feeling of satisfaction and bliss. There was something so special about seeing the audience go through a gauntlet of emotions, and then applauding strong efforts from a well-done show.

What transpired was a four-year commitment to drama, to telling stories, to portraying characters, to creating art, and to facilitate awareness to issues and certain moments. Whether acting or stage managing, I have spent hours in the theater, working to challenge social norms and re-shaping the world we live in. 
I act in drama because I love it. I act in drama because some stories just need telling while other stories just need repeating. I act in drama because there is a sense of relatability. I act in drama because it feels different than the norm in Asian culture. I act in drama because it makes me proud of who I am. I act in drama because that’s me. So, I act, I facilitate, I help, and then I perform.

Theater will be a part of me forever. Theater is not just a stage idea, it is an in-person interaction, something that seems to lack in this new era of technology. It is having that difficult conversation. It is reaching new level of heights. It is having an identity. 

Theater helped me discover film, and I appreciate it on a higher level. Because film is more accessible and convenient than theater, I have delved into film on a much deeper scale. So, thank you theater, and maybe you and I will meet again on Broadway someday!

Why do I perform or contribute to drama performances? Maybe it is the rush, the thrill, the adrenaline. Maybe it is the chance to embrace my full self. Maybe it is the power to tell stories. Maybe it is the power of knowing the full meaning while the audience is trying to interpret it.

Wherever I am standing can be my stage; any light can be my spotlight.

“We’re on the edge of our seats-until the end”

“Be Bold or Italic. Never Regular.”

“Like a final puzzle piece, it all makes perfect sense to me...The heaviness that I hold in my heart belongs to gravity”